They rolled apart and fell onto their backs. He took his hands and pulled the perspiration from his face. He wiped the sweat from his chest and put one palm behind his head and the other on his heart. “You can’t marry him.”
She slid to her side and reached for her cigarettes and withdrew one from her pack. She grabbed her lighter, lit her cigarette, put the lighter on her nightstand, took a drag, and then reset herself on her back. “I am going to marry him.”
“Then what are we doing here?” He felt the damp hairs on his chest, whisked the wet, and wiped his hand on the sheet. “Jesus! What the hell do you have your heat on? It’s hotter than a bitch in here.”
“Apparently, we’re melting,” she exhaled.
“Let’s go take a cool shower.” He flipped to his side and faced her.
“Could I finish my cigarette?” she sighed.
He took his finger and traced her nipple. He bent and kissed his trail. “Baby, what are we doing here?”
“Well I know what you’re doing,” she smiled.
“Talk to me.”
“I wanted to see you.” She lifted her back, arched it toward her side and tamped her cigarette into the ashtray. She replaced her head on her pillow.
“I’m glad.” He leaned into his elbow and raised his mouth to her kiss. He rested his head on his hand. “You love him?”
“No.” She pulled a portion of the sheet up above her waist.
“I don’t get it.”
“I love me with him.”
He pinched the points between his eyes. “Do you love me?”
“Mark, we’ve had this conversation.” She stood up and walked into the bathroom.
He watched her climb back into bed. “We just slept together and you’re engaged to someone else. Indulge me. Do you love me?”
“Yes.”
“Then I don’t get it.” He rolled onto his back and cradled his head over his opened hands.
“Your foot looks good.” He followed her eyes to the foot of her bed. “Have you been having any problems?”
“No.” He lifted it about a foot off her bed and waved it like a windshield wiper. “It’s been good. Jesus. Do you remember the first time you saw it? You cried.”
She flipped on to her side and slid over his arm. Her head rested on his shoulder. Her hand rested on his chest. “I saw how ashamed you were.”
“Yeah.” He bent to her upturned face and kissed her. “Talk to me.”
“I’m going to marry him.”
“I know.” He took a breath, slid his arm from under her, swung his legs away from her, and sat up straight. He balanced himself against his hands. She raised herself up to his pyramid, slipped her hands under his arms, and surrounded him. He felt her breasts against his back. “I just don’t get why.” He stood up and scanned the carpet for his shoes.
“You can walk on the carpet.” She looked up at him. “I vacuumed it to make certain there wasn’t anything you could injury yourself on.”
He dropped onto the edge of the bed and put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “I can’t believe you did that.” She wrapped herself around his back and kissed his shoulder. “It’s like the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” He turned his face and she lifted up to kiss him. “You must have been pretty confident I’d come over!”
She slightly slapped his shoulder as she laughed. “You bastard!”
“Why did you ask me to come over?”
“Because you’re in love with me.”
“Yeah.”
“And because I’m in love with me too.”
“I know.”
“You love me. He loves himself when he’s with me. I love I don’t have to be anything with him.”
“Yeah, you have to be something with me.” He stood up and walked toward her bathroom.
“You’ve gained weight. I’m glad. You were too thin.” She stretched across her bed and grabbed her cigarettes from their rest. She heard his stream from across her room. “How’s your blood sugars?” She heard the faucet dash, his splash, and watched him return toward her bed.
“Good. Everything’s good.” She scooted over toward her side and made room for him. He slid back on her bed. “Why today? What made you think of me?”
“Why?”
“I want to know. Lots of things remind me of you.” He plumped the pillow and sprawled out. He sat up and pulled the sheet that haloed his heels. He pulled it up to his chest. “Be romantic. Indulge me.”
“Okay.” She tamped her cigarette and rested it in the ashtray and stretched out on her side. She faced him. “I walked out of the shower this morning and when I went into the bedroom he was touching himself. I asked him why. I was there. We could have had sex. It would have been different if I hadn’t stayed with him last night. But there he was. And he said that sometimes he liked to do things that make himself feel good.” She took her hand and whisked a hair out of her eyes. “I asked him if he wanted me to join him and he said no.”
He started to laugh, “Okay, and this reminded you of me, how?”
She stared in his eyes. “I thought, if he can do things without me that make him feel good, then so can I.”
“So you asked me over?”
“Yeah. I wanted to listen to you.”
“To listen to me?”
“Yeah, I love to listen to you. I love that you talk to me. He doesn‘t talk to me.”
“Don’t you think that’s pretty goddamned selfish to use me like this?” He sat upright and swung his legs off of the bed.
“I didn’t use you. We traded conversation for sex.” She echoed his actions, stood up, and walked around the bed toward her closet. She pulled her robe off of a hook and wrapped it around herself. She belted it. “I’ve always loved your honesty sweetheart. So, be honest now.” She walked over to her dresser and picked up her hairbrush. She began brushing her hair to cool herself off. “Can you see that you just used me for exactly the same reason?”
“What?” He put each palm on a knee and leaned toward her.
“You’re in love with me.”
“Yeah.”
“And you just made love to another man’s fiancée.”
“Yeah. Hardly my finest hour.”
“And you did it because you feel good when you’re with me.”
“Yes.”
“So all three of us did something that made us feel good that could hurt someone else if they knew it.”
He put his head down on the pillow and crossed his arms over his chest. “We suck.”
“Well I’d call it selfish maybe. But I think it’s forgivable.”
He lifted his head and looked her in her eyes. “Do you realize that if you marry him I’ll never see you again?”
“Yes.” She put her brush on her dresser.
“Are you prepared to lose me forever?”
“I already did Mark. Can’t you see that honey?” She turned around and entered into her bathroom and shut the door.
This weekend, I lost all my confidence as a writer. I told myself my novel was worthless and I felt humiliated and ashamed of the extent of my effort and of my exhibition. Yet I’d put so much work into it, I wasn’t prepare to leave it orphaned. So I had decided to rework it.
I went into a major supermarket on the day before Thanksgiving. I know – risky huh? I bought one item. I thought you’d enjoy seeing the world’s record for the least ever spent at a major supermarket the day before Thanksgiving. Yeah, it can be done. I’ve shot the snap. Here’s the receipt. Now – on to Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster…
