I thought for a minute and bided my time with timed sips. “Because you know. And you know you know. So you can’t pretend you don’t know. And the more you know, the more you can’t tell Him no.”
“Huh?” he said.
“It just does. I can’t think how to explain it,” I dismissed the rest of the conversation. But I’ve thought about his question and I’ve arrived at a proper response.
The trickiest aspect of enlightenment is that I have to merge each action with a consequence. I can’t take leaps of faith nor jumps from assumptions. It means I have to measure each moment and equate every effect with any affect. It means I can’t excuse my failings with assertions of foibles or foolishness. It means I have to dissect each of my actions and each of your actions and each of God’s actions with all of our reactions.
And I must avoid the near occasion of sin because each of my actions carries the burden of wisdom. I can’t claim venial. My three steps have a rapidity that takes my excused away. If I claim ignorance, I deny His enlightenment. If I claim inconsequence, I deny His precedence. Hesitation weds doubt with decision. The wonder of enlightenment is that it’s a temporal gift for the carnal. Enlightenment is an equal gift to the earned and for the blessed. It’s the consequence of Grace and must be attained and its maintenance must be merited.
The double side of the sword is that one must court wisdom yet cannot covet enlightenment. I keep cutting my hands. I mean it’s great to have a flashlight in a forest, but by God when I shine it in the dark I’m going to watch things scatter from the spot I’d hoped to plant my sleeping bag. Yet I know I must sleep, so I put my head on the bed of a bug.
Enlightenment carries an obligation because charity is a companion of wisdom. I know that I haven’t earned the knowledge, so I know the wisdom can’t be meant for me. Human decency demands I offer the light for those in the darkness. Also, wisdom carries contrition and denies attrition. I see what I’ve done and what I failed to do and what I must do because it’s justly due. Compassion is a companion of contrition. I live the consequences of my deed and I hope to deter those I love from suffering similar consequences.
The fallacy about enlightenment is that it’s seen as an end. And it’s not. It’s the means to the end. And it doesn’t mean it’s the end. It just means that I understand what it means. I know the what. I know the why. I know the whether. I know the because. I know I don’t know the when. But by God I know the Who. The wise see why it’s foolish to ask why naught.
December 17, 2007
