The conversation began casually and comfortably. We exchanged ideas in a peripheral way. Our comments touched neither the center of our beliefs nor the heart of our emotions. It was more than banter yet less than intimate. We were buddies but not friends. In the midst of our conversation, I divulged an emotion that I feel quite often yet I’d deemed it too painful to contemplate. In an instant I spoke a sentence and I had a moment of clarity. I had to grab hold of my emotion and shut myself off to contain the flood of my feelings. The stress made me stumble and I touched the forearm of my buddy and I said, “Oh wait. I have to contain myself. I have to stop for a moment.” And he quietly said, “It’s ok Mark. I understand.” He looked at me with stoic support and complete kindness. I stood there for a moment while I regained control of myself.
I’ve had moments in my life when I’ve had to quickly contain my emotions. Yet I’ve been aware of their potential and remained guarded. This was the first instance when I was unprepared for the realization, so I was completely taken by surprise. I wasn’t embarrassed by the expression of my emotion. I’m not ashamed of my emotions and I’ve reached the age when I am comfortable with who I am and what I’ve become. Yet the shock of my sadness and the depth of my friend’s kindness took me aback. I hadn’t considered him in the context beyond civility.
I’ve yet to address the aspect of the synchronicity of Divinity that is the most providential. God has repeatedly placed people of astonishing kindness at each critical juncture in my life. I’ve yet to meet a tragedy or a travesty alone or unaccompanied. And although I haven’t intentionally amassed allies, I have accumulated a group of people who are among the finest people and each is full of astonishing integrity. I know God placed them inside my periphery. I’m profoundly grateful he didn’t leave me here alone.
I wasn’t aware of the depth of my friend’s kindness, but now I am. I saw Duane recently and as he approached me I held out my hand so that we could exchange a shake. I remembered his kindness and I felt full of affection for him. He will always remain a reminder of Divine Providence in my life. I will always love God for putting him in my path when I needed a friend and I will always love my friend for rising to the occasion of a man in need. We are not alone.
November 2, 2007
