Us / We / Them

I must admit I was taken aback. It’s disconcerting to know that acquaintances of mine now think I’m dead. And it’s made me face my mortality with a different perspective. I had a lunch with a friend of mine and we agreed that as we age, we sometimes feel like passengers on a speeding train that’s about to hit a wall. I guess that’s a midlife crisis. I face my mortality each day I examine my feet and check my blood sugars.

But I don’t have a bucket list.

I’m finding it difficult to achieve what I’m required to accomplish for my own sense of attainment. I’m behind. I’m too old to abandon the responsibilities I have and I’m so sorry to admit that I can’t assume any more responsibilities now. Everyone around me is kicking the bucket. And my desires are minor compared to those needs. The things I want are just a drop in the bucket.

So should I seek fun fulfillments or amusing activities just for kicks? Because I’m at that age. Baby boomers are at the age when we can kick our parents to the side and side with a society who’ve decided the elderly are obsolete. Or we can kick our children out so that we can partake in the habits we’ll have to kick once we’re too old to kick back a few. Or we can kick our selfishness to the curb and curb our desires for the benefit of those who walk at our sides.

Yet here’s the kicker: the earth is arid. And love and decency are as difficult to find as spit is in a pail of tears. So I could make a list of all things that will bang my buck before I kick the bucket or I can hoist the bucket and carry the wealth of knowledge from the well of my being and offer my wellbeing to the thirsty and the parched.

Our time on earth is just a drop in the bucket when one considers eternity. And besides, I’m too listless to make a list.