July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
All my writing is autobiographical so I don’t struggle with characters. When I began this blog – I would mention incidents that occurred between me and my family and my friends. I made a rule for myself: I wouldn’t reveal their names and I wouldn’t write their flaws. My blog is about me and my actions and reactions.
As my blog progressed and became more popular – my friends asked me when I intended to write about them. Or when specific incidents occurred, they asked me if I intended to include it.
Now I often write about my relationships and I’ve discussed with the women whether they had a problem with me writing about our relationship. For the most part – they told me that they felt like participants in a reality show and enjoyed the inclusion. So. I did have a two women who balked at inclusion. So, I’ve excluded them.
I find most people – myself included – aren’t so unique that I can’t write about them. The experience may be idiosyncratic – yet people seldom are.
Posted in Blogs, My Purpose And Intent, Personal | Tagged About Me, Blogs, Character Development, My Purpose And Intent, Personal, Random Thoughts, Writing | Leave a Comment »
July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
Ok can we first set the ground rule that “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” is slather written by a smoothed tongued bastard trying to get laid? True beauty – physical beauty – is obvious. I have never heard the words “Naw, Grace Kelly was a dog!” spoken.
Whatever benefits the beautiful possess – would be God’s place to judge. Perhaps beauty speaks more to His creativity than the recipients’ achievements. Why limit His palette by claiming a parallel plain? (Yes, I meant plain.) Yet judging His achievements by a hierarchy seems presumptuous at least and sacrilegious at most. I can’t imagine saying to a God, “no, I don’t think your work was all that good on her.”
Is physical beauty important? No. It’s nice. You don’t need two legs to walk. It’s nice to have them.
Do men deem beauty as the peak of perfection? I don’t know. We’d have to ask each and every male to make that decision.
And the notion that men are simplistically wired and only seek physical perfection is so biased and so narrow-visioned that I’m offended. And bias and prejudice like that are ugly.
Posted in Culture, Life, Male Point of View, Random Thoughts | Tagged Beauty, Culture, Grace Kelly, Life, Male Behavior, Male Point of View, Men & Women, Men vs Women, Opinion, People, Random Thoughts | Leave a Comment »
July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
An open letter to the cynic, the critic, the comic, and the sarcastic:
Stop screaming with your smirks. I see you. I know who you are. You’re an intelligent yet inactive man who defines himself by the actions of others. And since you don’t act – you’re inert. In your youth you encountered resistance to your insistence and so you chose extraction and faction. You’ve learned to complain instead of attain. So you sit in judgment and you scoff at the effort of the exerting.
I know you; I was you.
I’ll tell you what I’ve learned – I’ve learned to act sensibly, to assess logically, to engage responsibly, and to behave pragmatically in practically every situation for the benefit of those who had less opportunities and less abilities.
And I took these tools and I saw that if I separated my selfish desire for satisfaction from my cognizant recognition of my responsibility, I could act on other men’s inaction. I could react when others felt rejection. And I could be instructive instead of inactive when I saw destruction instead ofconstruction. 
Because I’d realized that the situation wasn’t about me and what I could get for myself. It was about us and what we could become. And you can’t recognize your place until you see those placed around you. You must clinically andintellectually observe to find the proper proportion of participation. Cynicism is just the reaction of the rejected.
So – who are you? You’re a cultural cliché. You were given it all. It was placed in your hands. And instead passing with those palms – you’ve clinched two fists. And now you shake them at the world and scream the songs of the sarcastic. Haven’t you wallowed in guilt long enough? Swallow your pride. Open your palms. And give something to someone else. The world’s in need. Start offering a solution instead of clamoring for a resolution. Quit being so selfish.
Posted in Culture, Life, Random Thoughts | Tagged Relationships, Random Thoughts, Culture, Life, Society, Cynicism, Sarcasm, Critics, Insolence | Leave a Comment »
July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
I’ve seen the surveys. I’ve read the questions. I’ve heard the conversations. And now I’ll answer it.
Surveys suggest that the average couple has sex 1-3 times a month. In the real world – I don’t believe there’s a man walking earth that has sex only thrice a month. Well, unless of physical impairments or a spiritual vow of celibacy. Yet even in those cases, I’m suspicious. But, I’m not saying that means he’s having it with his significant other ….
I’m saying in the world of reality – the world where there isn’t bullshit or trying to impress someone else with pretentious piety – men have sex. I don’t care whether they have it with their wives, boyfriends, mistresses, themselves – but men have sex more than thrice a month. Unless they are sick, holy, or dead. This whole “I love you on a level where the physical is unnecessary because our souls are connected” is bullshit. Their souls might be connected – I believe in the spiritual and the Sacramental – but somewhere that man is having sex. And if his partner isn’t having sex more than three times a month, she’d better insist on condoms.
That’s the real world.
And I’ll tell you why.
Ok … I used to date this woman who had a robust cry about once a week. Now I haven’t cried since my dog died 4 years ago but let’s move past that so that I can continue to type.
Anyway I’d ask her why she shed such copious tears, and she’d say it was her emotional release. Now, obviously this isn’t the solitary reason – but sex is a man’s emotional release. It’s one of the few times he knows which behavior to exhibit. 
(Yeah, gratitude is the cheap shot.) And yes, women have stressful lives. But women have the camaraderie of the sisterhood for support. A lot of men don’t have that. And since emotional exposition is costly to a man’s sense of personal pride, he often swallows the stress. And sex helps him with the physical and the emotional release.
So – in a very true way – men need sex. I’m not saying women don’t. But it doesn’t have to be a contest. Does it? There doesn’t have to be a winner and a loser here. In many ways, men need sex for the emotional and physical release of emotion. And having to ask for sex every time makes some men feel foolish and needy. He feels the need. He just doesn’t need for anyone to know that because the explanation is mingled with the added stress of emotional exposition.
And so he has sex with the one who offers him the least emotional resistance.
Posted in Culture, Life, Male Point of View, Random Thoughts, Relationships | Tagged Couple, Couples, Courtship, Culture, Dating, Life, Male Behavior, Male Point of View, Marriage, Men & Women, Men vs Women, People, Relationships, Romance, Sex | Leave a Comment »
July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
I would have risen to my feet more rapidly.
I would have fallen on my knees more humbly.
And I would have spoken up more frequently instead of swallowing my tongue,
closing my eyes, and pretending I didn’t see.
Posted in Life, Personal, Random Thoughts, Relationships, Roman Catholicism | Tagged About Me, Life, People, Personal, Random Thoughts, Relationships, Roman Catholicism, Spirituality, Theology | 1 Comment »
July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
In my experience, I’ve almost never had a good second date. If I had a great first date – my expectations for the second were too high and I was disappointed. And if the first date was merely mediocre – I didn’t ask for a second date. Why waste my time?
So unless a woman breaks some social taboo that violates my sense of human decency (and … not in a good way) I always endure the second date and go for a third.
Although I can only speak for myself – I have discussed this topic at various times with my buddies.
What do men want on a date?
We want fun. And sure, sex is fun. But we want laughs and joy and fun. Everyone – men and women – are living stressful lives. The second date should be fun. It shouldn’t be about relationships. It shouldn’t be about past relationships. It shouldn’t be about you. It shouldn’t be about him. It should be about fun and joy. Make the second date about the activity and even if it’s difficult, find the fun in it.
I don’t want to hear about a past relationship before at least the fifth date.
I don’t want to meet any kids before at least the first month.
I don’t want to tell you about my past relationships before at least the fifth date.
I don’t want to hear about therapy or issues or addictions until the third month.
I don’t want to hear what you think my limitations are or the improvements I might make until the first anniversary.
I’m not saying to lie. I’m saying wait. Don’t heave the weight of your past on him the moment you meet him.
Dating isn’t about you.
Dating isn’t about him.
Dating is about making an us.
And if you think I’m wrong – remember the party girls you knew and know. Men like them because they’re fun and remind them of fun. So, show your best side – smile for the love of God – and find the joy in meeting someone new instead of pondering the sorrow of the ones you no longer know.
Posted in Culture, Life, Male Point of View, Relationships | Tagged Couple, Couples, Courtship, Culture, Dating, Divorce, Life, Male Behavior, Male Point of View, Men & Women, Men vs Women, Networking, People, Random Thoughts, Relationships, Romance | 1 Comment »
July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
People who run from the room and slam the door want to create an action to get a remote reaction. They make the sound replace their spine. And they brace themselves behind a barrier and cleave all lines of communication. So, there can be no solution or restitution. It’s unjust. It doesn’t allow one’s fellow man to make amends or offer explanations.
Posted in Culture, Life, Random Thoughts, Relationships | Tagged Arguments, Break-ups, Culture, Divorce, Life, People, Random Thoughts, Relationships | 1 Comment »
July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
Men tend to hold each other to each word. A man will say to another man, “what did you just say?” because he wants to make sure he understood each word. He listens for infractions to his pride or attractions to his interests. Men don’t care why it was said. They care that it was said. And a man saying, “what do you mean by that?” is seeking a retraction not an explanation.
Women tend to seek the definitions behind each word. A woman will say to another woman, “why did you say that?” Women care why it was said and what was the intention behind each word. And when a woman says, “how could you say that to me!” she’s seeking contrition and explanation.
It all gets down to this -
Men want intercourse. It’s about the action. Everything is offense or defense. In or out.
Women want discourse. It’s about the reaction and the reason.
Posted in Culture, Friendship, Life, Male Point of View, Random Thoughts, Relationships | Tagged Communication, Couple, Couples, Friends, Friendship, Interaction, Interpersonal Relationships, Life, Male Behavior, Male Point of View, Men & Women, Men vs Women, Networking, People, Random Thoughts, Relationships, Talk | Leave a Comment »
July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
I’m saying if you want to play kick ball on the playground – don’t stand in the lunchroom and cry into your napkin. Get outside and kick the damn ball. You can have tater tots in the lunchroom or trophies on the playing field. You’ve gotta choose.
Posted in Culture, Life, Random Thoughts | Tagged Culture, Effort, Inclusion, Life, Participation, People, Random Thoughts, Relationships | Leave a Comment »
July 7, 2009 by Mark Trost
You know – I don’t know about all men. So I can’t speak for all of us. But I found myself one day wondering if I had made any sort of impact with my life. You know – whether I mattered in the world. I hadn’t any children of my own. I mean – I had raised my nephews. I know. But I looked around and saw that I hadn’t actually built anything myself. And I spent more than a month or two with more than the moisture of melancholy in my eyes. I knew I wasn’t the man I should have been. So I sat on my front porch and I tried to think of anything I could point to as something that had left my mark.
And then I had a series of incidents that showed me that I mattered. I saw the moments I had been placed in the synchronicity of Divinity and I saw that I mattered as the smallest cog in the machine of life. And I rediscovered proportion.
I think men sometimes think we’re dismissed or excused from the inner circle of emotions and so we feel disjointed or disconnected. And we feel alone. All one. No part of two.
And then one day – a small miracle – and children are a miracle … God takes these little pieces of biology that almost look like snot and builds this enormous miraculous machine that gives love and grants joy – and that small miracle bounces down the stairs and wears your new scarf. And for that moment our hearts stop and our breaths cease and our souls shatter, and we know that we matter.
And we remember that God has synchronized the moment. And in that instant love and hope and pride all mix. And we remember that we matter to God because He took the time to show it to us and to include us in His scene.
Posted in Culture, Life, Male Point of View, Personal, Relationships, Roman Catholicism | Tagged Personal, Relationships, Culture, Roman Catholicism, Male Point of View, Life, Catholic, Theology, Children, Fathers, Fatherhood, Spirituality, Male Behavior, Parenthood, Child Care, Childcare, Parents, People, Parenting | Leave a Comment »
July 6, 2009 by Mark Trost
Ok … let’s just draw a line here. Janis Ian’s album Between The Lines is a great album. I honestly think it’s one of the greatest folk-pop albums. She really combined longing and lonely with raw and real power. And I’ll walk to the edge of the line. The only thing Joni Mitchell had over her was a slightly purer voice and longevity.
When I was in college my friend had that album and she lent it to me and I secretly listened to it with my headphones on. Yeah, I had moments of being a jackass.
Now I own the CD and every once in a while I throw it into the car dashboard and I listen to it and sing along. Um. Yeah. A balding, 47 year old, bifocal wearing, straight guy who wears ironed shirts. I’ll never be cool.
Posted in Life, Media, Music, Random Thoughts | Tagged About Me, Life, Media, Music, Personal, Random Thoughts | Leave a Comment »
July 6, 2009 by Mark Trost
Ok I’m essentially the same man at 47 that I was at 25. Well except …. the bald thing … and the bifocal thing … and the saying goodbye all the time thing … and the lifting my foot to tie my shoe instead of bending over thing … and the sleeping only 5 hours a night no matter how exhausted I am thing … and the gray chest hair thing … and the stray hair in the ears thing … and the … ok. Everything’s changed.
Posted in Culture, Life, Personal, Random Thoughts, Whimsical | Tagged About Me, Baby Boomers, Culture, Life, Personal, Random Thoughts | Leave a Comment »
July 6, 2009 by Mark Trost
One major difference between men and women in an uncomfortable dating situation is that women need to discuss the discomfort of a situation and men want to discern the most seamless way to find an exit without seeming like a sonofabitch. So when a couple experiences a humiliating experience and the woman feels the need to explain or apologize it would behoove her to know these few facts:
The man knows that it went as badly as you know it did. Let it go. The more you multiply words – the more divided you’ll be. He’s as humiliated as you are. But, men are different than women. Men don’t stand and explain why they are humiliated. They just get the hell out of the situation and wait for time to pass and their minds to forget.
Walk away. It isn’t going to happen.
If you pursue it – he’ll think: Glenn Close. Or worse. He’ll think you’re too needy and too dense to understand and he’ll think you’re too much work. Men avoid work. It requires change. And men seek solutions that won’t change the atmosphere he’s found his comfort. This relationship is too in debt. It’s priced itself out of the market.
Let it go.
Posted in Culture, Life, Male Point of View, Random Thoughts, Relationships | Tagged Arguments, Couple, Couples, Courtship, Culture, Dating, Divorce, Life, Male Behavior, Male Point of View, Men & Women, Men vs Women, People, Random Thoughts, Relationships | 1 Comment »
July 6, 2009 by Mark Trost
I like toast. Who doesn’t? Maybe I should resent it. Well, think of the nickname. Trost – toast. You get my high school years. Anyway. I like toast. Peanut butter and jelly toast is good. Grape jelly is good. I like jelly.
However – I do not like jam. Although the word jam is lovely. It’s vibrant. It works the mouth. Say it aloud. See? Jam. Good word. It’s versatile. However, its merit as a word must be measured on a case by case basis. I don’t like the verb to jam. I hate when I jam a joint. Yet it’s a nice verb when I use it as a synonym for enjoy: “I really jam on this tune!“ The noun jam is dicey at best. A jam session must be enjoyable for a musician.
But I don’t like jam as a food. I don’t want to eat the fruit carcass. And preserves? Dear God no! That’s like being required to chew the corpse! No. I say slap butter, peanut butter and grape jelly and I’m cheery. And dry toast? I don’t even understand. I’m pretty sure dry toast is a synonym for cardboard.
Posted in Humor, Life, Random Thoughts, Whimsical | Tagged Food, Humor, Life, Random Thoughts, Vocabulary, Words | Leave a Comment »
July 6, 2009 by Mark Trost
Ok … I read the newspaper each day. I start with the obituaries. I find as I age I say goodbye with more rapidity. Then I read the op/ed section. And then I concentrate on the local section. I’m interested in neighborhood news. I like holding the paper in my hands. I like cleaning my windows with a newspaper. I like packing with newspapers. And I like seeing my words in print. I frequently write for the newspaper. I’m never proud of my work though – completely different style.
I like reading a newspaper. I like that a newspaper will tackle issues with more depth. When I want to know the details, I read reporters. I’m sorry that newspapers are becoming a past. Half of our population can’t negotiate a computer and are computer illiterate. We’ll have too many people with too little information. And now that reporters have morphed into journalists (and quick aside: I want a reporter. A journalist writes a journal of his reactions. I don’t care about his reactions. I want the facts. Report it and then write your interpretations on a blog.) 
I can’t read any reports of what’s going on in my area. I can only read what one human being thinks is occurring in my neighborhood. Or God forbid, the hubris of the one who thinks he sits in the place to judge what we have the right to know about our surroundings.
Now I have news for you – the demise of the newspapers is the single greatest detriment to democracy. Soon we won’t be allowed to know the news. And we’ll have to struggle to remember what we knew was true. The truth doesn’t need interpretation. My greatest fear? The Good News isn’t new. And soon it won’t be known or remembered. And we’ll find ourselves reporting to a pagan parliament or a righteous regime who dimmed the light of enlightenment in the guise of advancing the only shadows they’ve ever known. Oh you think my words and warning are extreme? I can pass you a newspaper to read. We can smuggle the truth under our shirts or stuff it between packages. How am I going to pass a monitor? Still scoffing at the extremity? Go ask Iranians how they feel about freedom of the press.
Posted in Blogs, Culture, Life, Media, News, Personal, Politics, Random Thoughts | Tagged Blogs, Life, Media, Networking, News, Newspapers, Opinion, People, Random Thoughts, Social Networks | Leave a Comment »
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