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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Ok I’m practically revealing my only recipe but … I have been known to stash a potato chip or two within the slices of a wheat bread bound sandwich.   But, I don’t eat mayonnaise anymore.  And the only aspect of Miracle Whip that’s miraculous is that someone actually eats it.   Am I the only one [...]

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Um .. bawled / bald.
Coincidence? I think not.

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My sister was recently chosen for Grand Jury duty. It reminded me of serving on a jury in the past. I enjoyed jury duty – although it added validity to the pronouncements of women in my past. “You’re too judgmental” they’d declared. And now I can retort, “but they asked me to be!”

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I like toast. Who doesn’t? Maybe I should resent it. Well, think of the nickname. Trost – toast. You get my high school years. Anyway. I like toast. Peanut butter and jelly toast is good. Grape jelly is good. I like jelly.
However – I do not like jam. Although the word jam is lovely. It’s [...]

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1. Ok .. I’ll be honest here. I do in fact make my bed. But not everyday. Well. There are days that I just fall on top of it and sleep like that. I have a duvet. I have a bed skirt and I pillow cases and all that crap. I didn’t buy it but [...]

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Anyway – here’s a little – well let’s just say it’s a hypothetical dating tip:
If you’re going to paint a living room because your hypothetical girlfriend wants “to create a space that reflects the two of us” and you can’t find a drop cloth so you grab a sheet out of the linen closet – [...]

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Dear Abby,
I hope you can help me. I have a pale ale riding on this. Ok – first question: why can’t people ask advice columnists a question without having to offer a reason for the question? You know like -“my sister and I are betting on this. Loser donates a kidney!” Or like those magazine [...]

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Ok here’s the deal. I have no coffee. How can that be possible? I have Coke Zero and 3 packets of soy sauce but no coffee. I don’t understand that. The time I would have spent sipping coffee and waking up, I spent staring into an empty canister and looking at an emptied scoop.
I have [...]

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Ok – when you’re with a woman who smokes, and she wants to smoke – are you required to stand outside in the autumnal chill while she smokes?
And – if you’ve quit smoking and your woman smokes – and you kiss her just to taste the tobacco, are you technically cheating on her? And I’m [...]

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I had an immensely happy childhood so each little heartbreak stands out like a droplet of red fingernail polish on a wedding dress.
I’m a Roman Catholic and a tenet of the Faith is to pray for the poor souls who’ve died. I still do that. Well, I had a hamster as a boy. My brother, [...]

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In these days of patriotism and flag waving and football – I’d like to remind my fellow citizens that pompons are the single greatest symbol of American culture. They represent encouragement.  They represent freedom of speech to say completely nonsensical rhymes.  They represent the embodiment of competition.  They represent the body.  And they celebrate jiggling [...]

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Nothing proved “we care about our passengers” like a reheated reuben sandwich and a stale pack of peanuts.  I’m just not so certain Northwest Airlines is so happy I fly with them anymore.  I mean they thank me … but that’s just nonreciprocating lip service.  My lips are as unoccupied as a broken aisle seat.

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I find it ironic that the candidate of change has resurrected a cabinet that’s sat on a kitchen shelf like a relish dish for the last eight years.  And I find it ironic that Alanis Morissette has a singing career when the feline family that lives with the neighbors remain unemployed and are forced to [...]

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I could not remember my telephone number this evening.  I had to take out my card and offer a visual instead of a verbal.  My exact words were, “oh hell, I can’t remember it.  I don’t call myself.”  And yet in that moment I remembered my telephone number from 1970.
612.739.5305

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“Pig’s ass is pork no matter how you cut it.”
I love it.
A lie is a lie no matter who says it.
A spade is a spade no matter who uses it.
And the truth is the truth no matter who denies it.

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